Poissons d'Avril 2010:
1. Simon shows up to work like usual. He takes his time using the tractor to distribute food to all of the animals, just like usual. And then he receives a phone call from a colleague, Frank; the neighbors' tractor has broken down, and they were hoping he could come with the tractor and help them. The 5km journey is long in a heavy and slow-moving machine, and when he finally arrives, Simon sees that the animals are all happily feasting, the work already done.
2. Simon arrives at the dance studio in M at the same time as Sylvain. He tells him he has some really bad news, confirming Sylvain's greatest fear: in the middle of the afternoon, Edith was leaping around like baby goats do, and the rope collar around her neck got caught on something and it strangled her. It is cruel and horrible, but it is a complete and total Poisson d'Av.
3. Dance class is finished, Sylvain is stark-raving mad and Simon wants to do one last bit of damage before the day is done. And he wants to implicate me in the mess, to make it more credible.
I call Frank using Sylvain's phone and it helps that I hate telephones and am very nervous, because I stutter and hurry my words in a very panicked way.
Hello, Frank? Hello, this is a friend of Sylvain and Simon. Tonight Simon came over for a party and he drank a lot -- probably too much. I should have stopped him from leaving, but I couldn't and he just called me saying he has driven into a ditch. He's okay but he needs someone to help pull him out. I tried to wake up Sylvain but he only said to call you, and he said, "tractor" and then passed out again. Simon is just outside of St.M near the little bridge, I think. Can you help him?
I get discouraged at some point when he starts to say, I don't know, I got him pretty good this morning & I think this is a Poisson d'Avril. And I say, No no! I really don't think so, he seemed totally freaked out and I can't drive. Please, go help him!
We aren't sure if he is totally convinced and stand around talking about it for a while before deciding to go see for ourselves. We drive to St.M but since it's about 15 km away, when we get there, Frank is no where to be seen.
Half-way to Frank's house, Simon receives a text message saying, "Simon, I just got a call from Sylvain's girlfriend saying you were stuck in a ditch. The thing is I'm at my parents' house 150 km away and I can't get there right away. Plus, I think it's a Poisson d'Avril. But call me back if you're really in trouble."
For about 10 seconds, we all believe it -- and then decide it is total crap. The boys want to go see if his car is still warm, proof that he has actually gone to look for Simon. The problem is that it is cold enough that even their cars cool down almost immediately; they must think of another plan. They sneak up to the house and look in the windows, which allows them to discover Frank on the couch, comfortably watching television.
4. Disappointed over having absolutely no way to know for sure if he has gone or not, Simon decided to go with Plan B: close the always-open driveway gate with a million yards of twine.
While I wait for them and the execution of their million plans, I lean against the car parked quietly in dark mud, amazed by the millions of brilliant stars that appear so far away from the city, and bask in the chorus of cows murmuring in the night.
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